accomplishments

Third Time’s a Charm?

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“You build on failure.  You use it as a stepping stone.  Close the door on the past.  You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it.  You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.” ~Johnny Cash

I’m going to try this one more time.  I will be successful.  I have to be.

Here is a paragraph about a challenge a friend issued me all the way back in May.

Come up with 10 things I can actually accomplish in the next 31 days that will put me closer to goal of simply finding out what I want out of life.  The real challenge the real challenge come from the fact that these accomplishments need to be specific, and for all purposes, measurable.  No vagueness allowed, which has always been a crutch to avoid striving for accomplishments.

Needless to say, I was unsuccessful.  In the almost four months since this was posted, I accomplished 2 or three things on my list.  I tried it for May, I tried it for June.  I’m not even going to pretend that I tried for July (which I am now dubbing “The Lost Month”).  But now that I’m trying to make my life more “found” than “lost”, I figured it was time to try again.

After much soul-searching, here are the 10 accomplishments I came up with for August.

  1. Make it to the gym at least four times per week.  This is down from my usual six, but definitely higher than my embarrassing summer average.
  2. Find a school for Oliver, one that is based more on what works well for his personality, not based on how convenient or cheap it is.
  3. Spend more quality time with my children and really get to know them.  Each child gets one date day/night with just me per week.  I promise, this is for me, not them.
  4. Read two new books this month.
  5. Complete four other blog posts this month.
  6. By the end of the month, be soda free.
  7. Find a new hobby, that I can do without current friends/family (as in something completely for myself).
  8. Take one photo everyday to document a moment that makes me smile.  This will remind me that I was happy at least once a day this month.  
  9. Create a budget.  Sticking with it, will be more of a next month challenge, let’s be real.
  10. Eat at least one fruit and one vegetable per day.  I promise, this is a challenge.

Here’s to August 2013 being a month of accomplishments.

What About Me?

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“Be miserable.  Or motivate yourself.  Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” ~Wayne Dyer

I started this summer as I start every summer…with great plans.  I was going to accomplish so much.  The house was going to be cleaned and organized. I was going to go to the gym every day.  I was going to work with Max on his writing and Ollie on his…demoness stubborn personality.  I was going to read great books and write great things.  I was going to plan for the next school year.  All my centers would be made in advance.

I was going to do great things this summer.

Here’s what I have actually accomplished: I read two books, organized the toys in Max’s closet, and gone to the gym a smattering of times.

All I can really say is “what the hell happened?!?!?!?!?”

I have been extremely lazy, and probably downright selfish, this summer and I really don’t like it.  I was supposed to make positive contributions to myself and my family and I have done nothing.

Fortunately, the best advice anyone ever gave me was that every every day, every hour, every minute is new…a time in which you can be reborn.

So tonight I signed up for the next Color Run in Baltimore (to be held in November).  And tomorrow I will make my way back to the gym.

And each day I will accomplish something else because I can.  I’m fortunate to know that I have the time to do this while others don’t.  I am one of the lucky ones.

It’s time to get back on track.  I can do this.

I have to do this.

Can we really have it all?

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“You only live once.  But if you do it right, once is enough.” ~Mae West

I started another post a few days ago on the idea of unconventionality in life.  It’s so scattered and messy right now, that it’s not ready to be posted, but I hope that I can post it soon.  With my dad passing and the school year ending within the last week, I have been very contemplative about life in general and while writing that post my thoughts began to spiral.  My insomnia is back, so I have been awake, hours each night, just laying in bed with my mind wandering all over the place and I can’t seem to make sense of any of it.

So much has been happening in the past few days, weeks, even months, that I am having trouble processing what it all means within the realm of my life.  I feel completely turned around, with no idea if I am coming or going, or simply sitting still.  And with no real production or work that has to take place during the day, since I am off for the summer, I am feeling quite lost.

If you know me in real life, you already know that I am not good at compromise.   It’s either this way or that way but it can’t be both.  In the simplest definition, I tend to be an extremist.  I usually go from far left to far right with no stops in the middle. I tend to be going either 100 miles per hour, or at a complete snails pace.

I’ve often battled with the conflicting ideologies of “you only live once” and “you can’t always get what you want” going back and forth between them.  Depending on my day, or mood, I always seem to be either completely for one or the other.  Are there times when one is more appropriate than the other?  Do I choose one based on convenience?  Is it “YOLO” when I want to be selfish and “You can’t always get what you want” when I feel like being a responsible adult?  I wish I could just pick one and decide to live my life that way.  Consistency is key and at this point I am so far removed from it that I literally can’t even think in a straight line.

At what point does “you only live once” simply become a cop-out for taking the easy way out?  Can we really have our cake and eat it too?  When is it ok to be selfish and when is it not?  What if our actions, while making us happier and more fulfilled, hurt the ones we love?  At what point should we just accept the wonderful things we have: a roof over our heads, family, friends, a good job, health insurance, and stop bitching about happiness, being fulfilled, finding a purpose?

Can we really have it all and, really, should we even be trying to?

Making a list, checking it twice

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“I started reading about people of great accomplishment… and it dawned on me suddenly that the person who has the most to do with what happens in your life is you.” ~Benjamin Carson

Last month I decided, at the urging of a friend, to make a list of “real” things that I want to accomplish this month.  I decided to focus on 10 things…10 real things that I could accomplish in 30 days or less.  I thought that maybe if I wrote it down, it would make more more accountable and, therefor, more willing and able to complete the task.

Long story short, I failed.  Some things were easy, some things were hard, and some I plain forgot.  See for yourself:

  1. Complete a 5K   Woohoo!  I did this one and it was awesome!  See my post on it here
  2. Make strides to become a better wife.  This month’s goal: Have one “at home” date night per week and two “going out” date nights this month.  I actually accomplished this task, but I am far from being a better wife, so I’m leaving this one “uncrossed”
  3. Apply for 5 jobs that I would actually go on an interview for, even if I am not completely qualified.  Nope, but mostly because I decided to stick it out with my current job for at least one more year.
  4. Spend more quality time with my children and really get to know them.  Each child gets one date day/night with just me per week.  I promise, this is for me, not them.  Nope.  Just call me Slacker Mom.  I could give you a million excuses, but I won’t.  I just need to do better.
  5. Read three new books this month.  Again, no.  Though somehow I managed to read three books that I’ve already read (hangs head in shame).
  6. Come up with a savings plan.  Kinda, but not really.
  7. Write at least two blog posts this month.  Score!
  8. By the end of the month, be soda free. I am currently sitting here with a diet coke, so this obviously didn’t pan out.
  9. Find a new hobby, that I can do without current friends/family (as in something completely for myself).  Does running count?  Probably not, because, although I didn’t specify, I’m thinking it should be a hobby I actually ENJOY.
  10. Take one photo everyday to document a moment that makes me smile.  This will remind me that I was happy at least once a day this month.  I was going strong for awhile, and then, like most of the other items I forgot.

So there you go.  I accomplished 2 out of 10 things I put forth for May.

Do you think it’s OK to simply recycle the other 8 and try again for June?

Running for Something

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“In running, it doesn’t matter whether you come in first, in the middle of the pack, or last. You can say, ‘I have finished.’ There is a lot of satisfaction in that.” ~Fred Lebow, New York City Marathon co-founder“

I had a good week-end.  And, truly, it’s been a while since I have been able to say that.  It wasn’t good in the sense that I accomplished a lot, or made substantial contributions to society.  It was good in the sense that I started the week-end happy and ended the week-end happy.  There were no fights, no drama, no big jobs to get through, nothing pressing, making me stressed or unhappy about what the future holds.

I think this also has to do with the fact that my motivation is slowly, but surely, being restored.  I think one of the biggest problems I’ve had in this whole weight loss/getting healthy process is that I am constantly looking outward for motivation – looking for other people to motivate me and get me going – and that is something I need to stop.

I need to keep this thing going, because I know this is a lifelong process.  In order to do that, I have to start believing that my motivation can come from within – that I am capable of motivating myself.  I decide to look back over the past four months and see what I have already accomplished, so I know that I can keep going forward.

1. I have officially lost 42 pounds since January.  I can sit here and rattle on about how this is a big deal, but really, this speaks for itself.

2. I am officially down 3-4 pants sizes.  I can officially fit into shirts that only have one X in front of them as opposed to, well, more than one.

3. While I did not run the whole thing, I completed a 5K, something I never thought I would do.

4. I realized that the things that used to bring me so much comfort, non-healthy food and wine, are still fine…in moderation.  I don’t need them the way I used to think I did.

5. It’s ok to care what I look like and give a damn about my appearance…within reason.  As long as I feel good about myself that’s what matters.  And I have definitely seen an increase in my confidence.  While I don’t seek out the spotlight, I no long try to hide or avoid.

6. This whole process started as a way to get healthy in order to keep up with my kids and be around for them for as long as I could.  While this is still important, it’s not about that anymore.  It’s about me and the things I want to do and acomplish…and this is OK.

This week-end I was so proud of the new decisions I was making.  I’ve begun putting things in perspective to see what I really want in life.  I was shopping at the Gap (again, something I couldn’t do before) when I found a very cute dress that I really wanted to buy.  Once I looked at the price tag ($67) I realized that instead of buying this dress, I could buy the running shoes I wanted.  It hit me then, that running and exercise have become important to me.  Important enough to sacrifice something else in order to be able to keep going. This is probably the biggest deal of all.  It’s no longer that I need to exercise…it’s that I want to.

Exercise has become somewhat of a saving grace.  There were weeks that I would have to get on the scale every day because the weight loss was the reason I was doing all this.  I haven’t been on the scale in two weeks, because I’ve realized it’s not about that anymore.  Exercise gives me time to clear my head and really think.  Something I don’t always get the luxury to do with a full time job and kids.  Even running, which I am NOT good at at all, has become a new goal, something for me to strive towards, something to work for, a new accomplishment waiting for me to conquer.

Because in the end, I may not run hard or fast, but at least I can say that I run.

 

10 True Accomplishments in 31 Days

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“As for accomplishments, I just did what I had to do as things came along.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I tend to spend a lot of my day at school whining.  I don’t mean to, but it just seems to happen that way.  During planning times, when teachers get together, we try to get it all out so that when the little ones come in we can paste on those smiles and dispense with the positive reinforcement and enlightenment needed to teach the future leaders of tomorrow.

During one such whine session a colleague and I were talking about having “real” accomplishments in our lives, things that we are actually doing for ourselves (not out kids, husbands, families) to move our lives in the direction it should be going to fulfill, for lack of a better word, our destiny.  In a nutshell, we know we are meant for more than this.

She gave me a challenge.  Come up with 10 things I can actually accomplish in the next 31 days that will put me closer to goal of simply finding out what I want out of life.  I have to admit, I have really struggled with this list.  I always thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do/be/accomplish, but as it turns out I don’t.  I actually haven’t got a clue.  So much of what I have done over the last 4 or 5 years has focused on other people.  I don’t even now what I want anymore.  The real challenge for me is that these accomplishments need to be specific, and for all purposes, measurable.  No vagueness allowed, which has always been my crutch when I wanted to avoid striving for accomplishments.

After two days I was finally able to come up with a few things.  

  1. Complete a 5K
  2. Make strides to become a better wife.  This month’s goal: Have one “at home” date night per week and two “going out” date nights this month.
  3. Apply for 5 jobs that I would actually go on an interview for, even if I am not completely qualified.
  4. Spend more quality time with my children and really get to know them.  Each child gets one date day/night with just me per week.  I promise, this is for me, not them.
  5. Read three new books this month.
  6. Come up with a savings plan.
  7. Write at least two blog posts this month
  8. By the end of the month, be soda free
  9. Find a new hobby, that I can do without current friends/family (as in something completely for myself)
  10. Take one photo everyday to document a moment that makes me smile.  This will remind me that I was happy at least once a day this month.

I have to admit I actually liked coming up with this list.  It was great to think about what I could actually accomplish.  It is taking all my strength to not just keep adding and adding and adding to this list, but I have to remember this is not the point.  To really have the opportunity to focus on these 10 items will ensure success instead of bogging down my list with a hundred things without a focus and really, without a hope of getting accomplished.

Or at least I hope so.