goals

In vino veritas…unless you’re giving it up

/ Cassie / Leave a comment

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

If you read my last post, you know I did something completely insane.  I signed up for a half marathon.  And I don’t just mean “signed up”.  I mean paid a rather large entrance fee to run with other people who are “real runners” and huff and puff for 13.1 miles…after which  I will promptly die.  I know I am NOWHERE close to being ready for it yet, but the half marathon isn’t until October, so I know I have time to get there.

After making the commitment, I decided that I should actually get serious about it.  Since I’ve only been running off and on for a few months, a couple times a week at most I still don’t know exactly what I’m doing.  I don’t know a lot about “training” or pacing or any of that other runner lingo, so I did what anyone else in my position would do…took to the computer.  So, after much internet (Pinterest) research I created a plan that includes running and cross training and takes me to June.  This is the first week in my training plan and I’m proud to say as long as I complete my short run tomorrow, I will have followed it every day.  It’s crazy to see that my first week I’m only running 8 miles, but by June, I’m up to about 25 per week.

With getting serious about the training plan, I feel like I also need to get serious about other things, such as food, getting enough sleep, and de-stressing.  And because of that, I think it’s time to say good-bye to the wine.  Now, you wouldn’t know if from my facebook account, but I actually don’t drink that much.  But, it’s probably more than I should, I know it’s taking the place of the water I should be drinking on certain nights.  Now, I’m not saying I’m completely giving it up.  There is nothing stopping me from having a glass out with friends after work, or toasting at a wedding, but I think it’s just time to take a break from it, especially at home, and see where this leads me.

Honestly, if I’m going to do this running thing, I want to really do it and I want to do it right.  I love it and it has changed me in more ways than most people know.

I can already see so many changes since picking running back up last month.  I can go for miles (yes plural) without having to stop.  I’m not as out of breath.  I’m not as sore afterwards.  2 miles no longer seems like an eternity (though that first mile is always the hardest), in fact, to me it feels super short.  Even tonight when I attempted to take the kids out with me on a 2 mile run, they got tired before I did.  I used to simply get tired watching them play.  And that was really the most amazing thing.

I’ve also seen changes in my mood.  I’m happier, less stressed, and have a more positive outlook.  Sure, I still vent and get upset, but not to the degree I used to.

So, a toast to how much I’ve put behind me and all the things I have to look forward to in the future.  A toast to say goodbye to a stress reliever I don’t need as much any more.

A final toast with a fancy bottle for a most important occasion.

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Self-Congratulations

/ Cassie / Leave a comment

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” ~Lucille Ball

I was feeling kind of low this morning.  I went for a run and it was remarkably slow.  I really felt defeated that I wasn’t back at the mile time I was before my knee injury.  With the feeling of defeat came the feeling of self doubt.  Why am I even doing this?  I’m never going to be a “runner” so I should just stop now.  This is the fastest it’s going to get so I should probably get used to it.

Then, after much agonizing and self doubt I decided to change my perspective.  No, I’m not as fast as I used to be, but I’ve only gone for four short runs (in new shoes) since I began running again.  No, I’m not as fast as I used to be, but we just got 3-4 inches of ice and snow and it’s been close to 0 degrees and I still went out twice (and didn’t kill myself on the ice).  No, I’m not as fast as I used to be, but I’ve also been cross training like crazy (strength training, body weight exercises, additional cardio, yoga) so my body needs to catch up to what I’m doing to it.  No, I’m not as fast as I used to be, but who the hell cares.  I’m still out there.  I’m running.  And I feel wonderful.

And, really, I’ve accomplished quite a lot, even just since Christmas.  I’ve stuck with my running and gym workout plan.  I’ve completed every day of the plank, push-up, and squat challenges that I decided to work on this month, I’ve lost almost 5 pounds, and I’ve been eating quite a bit healthier and tracking it all on My Fitness Pal.  Plus, today, I put on my new pair of compression running pants I got on clearance at Dicks.  And they are an XL.  And they fit.  Yup, only one X in that size.  This time last year, there were three.

The best part is, I have no doubt that I will be able to keep this up.  Last year, had you told me I would love running and would be signing up for race after race, I would have told you you were crazy.  But now…

It’s amazing how things change and how even the bad things in our life can lead us to something good.

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Challenges: The Obligatory Resolutions Post

/ Cassie / Leave a comment

“It’s lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believe in myself.” ~Muhammad Ali

So, I guess this could be considered my obligatory New Years Resolution post.  I could bore you with my endless downpour of yearly recycled resolutions (drink less, eat more vegetables, be a nicer wife, be a better mother, etc.) but I won’t.  These are the same hundred or so plans that I make every year and every year I feel like a failure when I still occasionally suck at being a mom, when I still occasionally yell at my husband for no apparent reason, when I still occasionally have one too many glasses of wine, and when I still occasionally choose party mix over carrots.

And somehow, when I keep making the same resolutions year after year, I wonder why nothing changes; why I’m still depressed more than I’m happy, why I’m still not at the weight or fitness level that I want to be, why my home life is not as wonderful as it could be.  Part of this, of course, is that I never put forth enough effort.  For about two weeks I do everything in my power to change what I think needs to be changed, and then when things do change, I stop putting forth any effort and slack off…and things tend to go back to sucking. Shocking, I know.

Which is why, this year, I’m making monthly resolutions as opposed to yearly ones.  I’m hoping that this way I can keep things fresh, change things up when I need to, evaluate what’s working and what’s not, tweak and add and subtract when needed.  Also, I’ll be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  I tend to loose focus or get discouraged or simply become complacent when I have too long to complete something.  And, of course, there is the procrastination aspect as well.  Why do today what you can do tomorrow instead?

A resolution, simply put, is the firm idea to do or not do something.  I guess, these ideas that I have for the month of January aren’t really resolutions so much as they are challenges and goals…things I am hoping to accomplish, though in the strict sense of the word I am resolute about accomplishing them.

So, long story short, each month I’ll come up with some sort of theme that encompasses the things I want to accomplish and at the end of the month evaluate how I did and make up new goals (or keep the same goals) for the next month.

January’s theme is simple: Take yourself seriously.  You are important. So many times I decide I can’t do things simply based on what other people would say if they found out I was doing them.  If I want to be a runner, I will.  If I want to learn a new language, I’ll do it.  If I want to dye my hair green, so be it.  Sometimes it’s ok to be selfish about things you want, especially if it will make you a better person in the long run.  And for those people who will judge, or be jealous, or try to bring you down, screw them.  I’ve got too much other crap going on. I don’t need any added negativity.

January’s Goals and Challenges

Body
1. Run 3-4 days a week

2. Be able to run 3 miles by the end of January

3. Complete the planking, squats, and pushup challenge (on pinterest)

4. Give up diet coke

Mind:
1. Take the opportunity to write at least twice a week

2. Read 2 new books

3. Learn a different knitting stitch than the only one that know

Soul:
1. NO cellphone, ipad, computer after 9:30 pm unless an emergency (or reading a book on the ipad, as I wind up downloading most of them).  No more mindless surfing and time wasting.

2. Do something scary each week: call someone on the phone, wear my running pants without feeling the need to hike shorts over them simply because I’m self conscious, etc.

3. Make an effort to be more world-conscious: shop more at local businesses, stop being so wasteful, etc.

4. Stop being so damn angry all the time: at my students, at my own kids, at my husband, at friends who have let me down.  I need to stop carrying this baggage every where I go.  It’s not solving any problems.

Honestly, these don’t seem so unreasonable (except maybe the diet coke :).

I know I can do it and I know there are people out there who will support me in this endeavor, and really, support me anything I decide to do.  And those are the people I really need to keep around.

Baby, we were born to run

/ Cassie / Leave a comment

“Run when you can, walk if you have to, crawl if you must; just never give up.” ~Dean Karnazes

I went for my first run in almost a month yesterday (27 days to be exact).  I was worried that the slow time I was bound to have was going to cause me to become depressed and give up, but in fact, quite the opposite was true.  Yes, I was slow.  My mile time was no where near where I was when I became injured, but it was also no where near where it was when I started running a few months ago. I was happy to see that I wasn’t starting over completely and that I was going to be able to do this after all.  

It was almost humbling to see that I could still run a mile without stopping.  I remember when I first started the couch to 5K program the first interval is run for 1 minute then walk for 1.5 minutes.  Even during that first week, just running for 1 minute was hard.  I wanted to give up, I wanted to cry, I wanted to die from humiliation.  I hated running.  I hated that, for once, I wasn’t going to be able to accomplish something that I wanted to.  Back then, I feel like I really wanted to “run” for the eliteness of it.  To say I was a runner was not only “cool” but it was also going to prove that I was in shape and could do something that so many other people really couldn’t (running is HARD!).  But, now, that’s not the case.  

The best part of my very short, very slow run was the feeling, oh the glorious feeling I had.  I usually feel great (as in happy) when I finish my run, but miserable during. Yesterday, though, I felt wonderful the whole time.  It was hard, don’t get me wrong, and my feet hurt, and my knee hurt, and even my lungs hurt, but I was just so happy to be out and running again that I didn’t care about any of these pains.  It made me realize just how important running had become to me in such a short period of time.  It helps me think, reduces stress, dissipates any anger or aggression I may have accrued during the day.  Honestly, the health and weight loss benefits are simply an added bonus.  I’m not doing this for them.  That’s what the gym is for.  I’m doing this for me.

And now that I’ve realized just how important this is to me, I also realize that I need to do it right this time.  Last time, not only did I do too much too fast, but I also had no consistency with my runs.  I went when I felt like it and made excuses when I didn’t.  I didn’t do any stretching to help out my muscles or range of motion (beyond what I thought I was supposed to do…turns out I was wrong). And, and did nothing to prevent injuries that I might encounter.  As it turns out, my knee “injury” that I babied the last month was simply due to too much strain on my knee because my hip and quad muscles were not strong enough to accommodate my body when running

But, now I’m ready to do this thing, for real.  I mapped out my workouts for the month, used my dicks gift card to buy running socks, hand weights, and a foam roller, and moved the boys into the same room (it’s a really big room, and they love it) in order to create an office/workout space for myself.  

Most importantly I finally bit the bullet and went to Charm City Run (a local running store) to figure out what shoes I REALLY need to deal with all of my foot, leg, knee problems.  I was so concerned with not wanting people to look at my gross feet and watch me run on a treadmill.  Had I not been willing to run I would have wound up with a shoe that felt fine walking, but was terrible when I started running.  I actually settled on a pair of shoes from a brand I thought I would hate because of a previous shoe I tried from them.  It was really exciting to find “the shoe” that was going to work for me.

Running is something I hope I get to stick with for a long time.  It has done so much for me in just a few short months, I can’t believe I was ready to give it up so easily.

So, for now, I’ll take it slow, but I’m ready to run.

For the days when you hate everything…

/ Cassie / 2 Comments

“When something bad happens you have three choices: let it define you, let it destroy you, or let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown

I actually had a pretty good day today. The day went smoothly.  My kids ACTUALLY got math today.  I got through everything in my lesson plan.  I received a compliment from my principal. I finally felt like things at work were going well for once.  I was excited that I was going to the gym after work.  I was going to get in the run I missed this morning and get in some weights.

Then I got to the gym and realized I forgot my headphones (I was even going to steal some from lost and found, but there were none). And then I realized I didn’t have my running shoes and the shoes I was wearing were NOT conducive to running.  I wound up putting in a lame 20 minutes on the elliptical and left.

I got home and the kids were in a mood from no nap.  I only get them early in the morning or at night and they seem to ALWAYS be in a mood. I checked the weather and realized it is supposed to rain tomorrow which means no morning run and no workout at the gym due to no car.  And at that moment, I just fell apart.  I mean, like literally lost it.  Big, fat crocodile tears, hiccuping sob lost it.

I didn’t get a real workout in.  The stupid f*cking scale isn’t moving.  The kids were screaming.  I was hungry.  I wasn’t going to meet my daily goals.  In a nutshell, I hated everything.

After I was finally able to calm down (with a little help, thank you husband and prosecco) I decided to try my best to see the bright side of things.  I was looking for any little glimmer of positive in my humdrum afternoon.  And this is what I came up with:

1. It is OK to take a day off.  It is OK to have an off day.  It is OK to have a day where you do nothing and just relax.

2.  Goals are goals.  They are meant to be there in order to guide you and motivate you, but they are not the end all, be all of your existence.  If you don’t meet your goal one day, it’s OK.  You have tomorrow to make it happen.  Work harder.  Focus more.  Improve upon yesterday.  I have to stop basing my happiness on whether or not I meet my goals.  That should not define me.

3. If you’re hungry, eat. I mean, if you are actually hungry.  Don’t eat because you’re bored, or depressed, or angry.  Eat if you need to, and if not, find an activity you can be excited about.

4. It takes work.  Everything takes work.  I am not going to run a half marathon tomorrow.  I am not going to run a 5K tomorrow.  But I can work towards that goal. Point it, I just have keep going.  Even when I want to give up.  Even when I think I am not getting anywhere.  Even when I hate everything.  I just HAVE TO KEEP GOING.

Maybe it’s good that I got so upset about missing a workout and not meeting my goals.  It means I care.  It means I am not ready to give up yet.  It means this is important to me.  And really, no matter what I do, the important thing is that I DO something.

Baby Steps and Little Goals

/ Cassie / Leave a comment
“What keeps me going is goals.” ~Muhammad Ali
Last week was a pretty good week.  I got back into my running (very slowly) and really began making some stride on getting my life back onto the healthy path.  Honestly, though, I could have done better.  I think what I lack overall is focus.  I need to pick a few goals to really set my sights on and try to accomplish them.   I’ve tried doing this before, with making monthly goals, but I got bored forgot about halfway through.
So, instead, I’ll pick a few items to focus on for the week.  The small goals might help me stay in check and ultimately feel more accomplished.  Here are this week’s goals:
1. No eating out.  I am always so tired when I get home from work and ultimately take the easy way out.  Unfortunately, this means not making healthy choices.  I really need to do better.  Now, I already have plans for one night this week that does involve eating out, so I will have to make sure during this evening, I make healthy choices.
2. Run 10 miles this week.  Last week I did 9.05.  This week, I want to make sure I get in two miles a day (for each of my 5 running days).  Even if I have to walk part of it, 2 miles a day is totally doable.
3. No Starbucks.  It’s time to cut out Starbucks.  I need to drink more water and I know I need to save money.  This seems like the perfect way to do it.
4. Take 30 minutes a day just for me.  No kids, no husband, no work, no stress.
5. Log 10,000 steps a day on my Fitbit.  I was able to do it the first few days, and then I didn’t for the next few.  Even if I need to take a short evening walk, I want to make sure I meet this goal.
They all seem pretty reasonable.  Now, I just need to make myself do them.

Running for Something

/ Cassie / 2 Comments

“In running, it doesn’t matter whether you come in first, in the middle of the pack, or last. You can say, ‘I have finished.’ There is a lot of satisfaction in that.” ~Fred Lebow, New York City Marathon co-founder“

I had a good week-end.  And, truly, it’s been a while since I have been able to say that.  It wasn’t good in the sense that I accomplished a lot, or made substantial contributions to society.  It was good in the sense that I started the week-end happy and ended the week-end happy.  There were no fights, no drama, no big jobs to get through, nothing pressing, making me stressed or unhappy about what the future holds.

I think this also has to do with the fact that my motivation is slowly, but surely, being restored.  I think one of the biggest problems I’ve had in this whole weight loss/getting healthy process is that I am constantly looking outward for motivation – looking for other people to motivate me and get me going – and that is something I need to stop.

I need to keep this thing going, because I know this is a lifelong process.  In order to do that, I have to start believing that my motivation can come from within – that I am capable of motivating myself.  I decide to look back over the past four months and see what I have already accomplished, so I know that I can keep going forward.

1. I have officially lost 42 pounds since January.  I can sit here and rattle on about how this is a big deal, but really, this speaks for itself.

2. I am officially down 3-4 pants sizes.  I can officially fit into shirts that only have one X in front of them as opposed to, well, more than one.

3. While I did not run the whole thing, I completed a 5K, something I never thought I would do.

4. I realized that the things that used to bring me so much comfort, non-healthy food and wine, are still fine…in moderation.  I don’t need them the way I used to think I did.

5. It’s ok to care what I look like and give a damn about my appearance…within reason.  As long as I feel good about myself that’s what matters.  And I have definitely seen an increase in my confidence.  While I don’t seek out the spotlight, I no long try to hide or avoid.

6. This whole process started as a way to get healthy in order to keep up with my kids and be around for them for as long as I could.  While this is still important, it’s not about that anymore.  It’s about me and the things I want to do and acomplish…and this is OK.

This week-end I was so proud of the new decisions I was making.  I’ve begun putting things in perspective to see what I really want in life.  I was shopping at the Gap (again, something I couldn’t do before) when I found a very cute dress that I really wanted to buy.  Once I looked at the price tag ($67) I realized that instead of buying this dress, I could buy the running shoes I wanted.  It hit me then, that running and exercise have become important to me.  Important enough to sacrifice something else in order to be able to keep going. This is probably the biggest deal of all.  It’s no longer that I need to exercise…it’s that I want to.

Exercise has become somewhat of a saving grace.  There were weeks that I would have to get on the scale every day because the weight loss was the reason I was doing all this.  I haven’t been on the scale in two weeks, because I’ve realized it’s not about that anymore.  Exercise gives me time to clear my head and really think.  Something I don’t always get the luxury to do with a full time job and kids.  Even running, which I am NOT good at at all, has become a new goal, something for me to strive towards, something to work for, a new accomplishment waiting for me to conquer.

Because in the end, I may not run hard or fast, but at least I can say that I run.

 

You Can Do Anything for a Minute

/ Cassie / 5 Comments

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer.” ~Albert Camus

You can do anything for a minute. At least that’s what I told Jane to scream at me when I felt like giving up today. And she did. During that the last minute when she yelled at me from the sidelines I felt as if I could have run forever.

I completed my first 5k today. I use the word “completed” instead of ran because I didn’t run the whole thing. To be honest, I didn’t even run half of it and had a pretty embarrassing time for completion. But today I beat the goal I set for myself and that’s all that matters.

Four months ago and 42 pounds ago I wouldn’t have even considered running a 5k. Well, I probably would have considered it, but would have blown it off. In those days I could barely go up a flight of stairs without feeling like I needed a nap. I actually cried a little on the car ride home because I couldn’t believe how far I’ve come. Today I completed a 5k and being able to use the word completed is an accomplishment in itself.

The whole thing lasted under an hour, but during that short amount of time I felt my entire outlook shifting. My motivation is coming back. My desire to continue my journey of healthy eating for myself and my family is rising again from the ashes of last week. I feel like I’ve been catapulted forward ready to take on new challenges because if I can do this, when I never thought it was possible, what else can I do? Today I signed up for my next 5k in September, ready to try again and this time go even faster, longer and harder.

Today I completed my first 5k and though this is a small feat for some, my world will never be the same.

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